This Horrible Tale(March 25, 2010)

This Horrible Tale
March 25, 2010

I didn't do anything to you,
but you looked as if ready to kill,
you walked straight towards me,
gun held in hand,
I didn't see it coming till it ended with a bang.

My friends all stared shocked by what they had seen,
they knew I was a goner,
then ran and screamed.

Thinking the same as they,
I knew I was gone,
I knew it was the end,
but then I had woken not knowing where.

I had a headache,
I had a scar,
blasted right into the side of my cranium.

I lived but only to be frightened,
frightened by a man with shaggy gray hair and eyes of stone,
he made me stand,
put a knife to my back,
ordered me around and showed me where I was at.

It didn't take long to know of my fate,
to await being killed by a cruel man,
but then I realized I would never die,
I was a prisoner in this game he called life.

I hid at visitors and cried at times.

I discovered away out but only for a minute.

I returned to the place,
almost shot by the man for the second time,
but I survived,
not knowing the ending of me,
of this horrible tale.

Here Tomorrow(March 14, 2010)

Here Tomorrow
March 14, 2010

Black,
Blue,

White,
Yellow,

Red,
Gray.

Darkness as black as the unlit sky,
Too blue to see you as you,

White stars in the night,
Yellowing pages of time,

The red blood of a well fought fight,
Gray of the photos years ago.

Each detail has a color,
mixed with each other,
left alone.

The lights are gone but black remains,
there covering up the others.

Nothing is seen for many at dream,
but open your eyes and it'll be there,
around a corner it'll be near.

Here tomorrow,
the color blending,
the light showing.

This Little Shape(March 1, 2010)

This Little Shape
March 1, 2010

The pain strikes,
like a snake it strikes.
The moment comes,
as fast as lighting it comes.

Covered in a cage,
wrapped in cloth.

Not the safest place in the world,
for this little shape,
the shape guarded by little,
controlled by one.

It is attacked,
with little to nothing,
except edges of a blunt axe.

Repeatedly attacked.

It is always moving until the end,
it knows not when it will drop,
drop into a sensation like a pit.

Dull.
Black.

It is hard to recover,
when so little brings it back.

The Flames(January 21, 2010)

The Flames
January 21, 2010

The Flames lick your face,
tasting your every thought and desire.

The flames want to swallow you whole,
spit you out and laugh at your down fall,
but they do not.

The Flames play with their food.

They cause warmth,
and joy in their innocent like state,
but when surrounded they cause pain.

The pain burns as hot as the surrounding flames,
there is no escape.

Warmth and joy are gone,
the colors dance before your eyes,
soon you'll be covered up,
taken,
devoured,
dead by The Flames,
The Flames that surrounded you completely.

On Impact(January 19, 2010)

On Impact
January 19, 2010

My life is on impact,
Thrown in the middle.

I cringe to see the fate that awaits,
I await to see your face.

Too many collisions,
too many misses,
too many times have I heard never,
too many times you've left.

Either stay,
or go away,

You always seem to smile,
I don't see your real complexion.
Black and white is what you've become,
you stole my color.

Impenetrable Tragedy(December 12, 2009)

Impenetrable Tragedy
December 12, 2009

The strokes of pain.
Splattered mess of delusion.
Paint as red as blood can be.

No one can tell,
tell what it is.
No one sees the face,
the face that has been created.

This small mystery of life,
is scratched lines on a rock,
deciphered never.

The answer is hidden.
As if behind a tinted window.
Forbidden to be known.

As bright as the shinning sun.
It wants to be the one.
The one that is seen,
but it is farther than perceived,
an impenetrable tragedy.

Haiku 1 and 2(December 10, 2009)

Haiku 1
December 10, 2009

All I know is you.
You are the joy I hear now,
in my life always.


Haiku 2
December 10, 2009

You brighten my day,
You are my friend forever.
You help make me smile.

Never Let Me(November 24, 2009)

Never Let Me
November 24, 2009

No,
You won't let me.

I can't fall asleep at night,
I'm so tired it makes it hard to think.
Sleepless nights destroy my will,
to keep talking to you.

When you let me I dream a million dreams,
but it takes so long to get there.
To get to the place I know so well.

If you could shut my mind off,
Shut it down so I may sleep.
It would help me be me.

My mind is never tired,
it never rests at night,
all because of you.

Let me fall asleep.
Let me go quickly out of my mind.
Let me think less tonight.
I need a better start.

It doesn't matter.
You'll never pull the plug.
Never allow my mind to sleep.
Sleep in peace without hours of nothing.

Yes,
You will never let me.

Only In My Dreams(November 23, 2009)

Only In My Dreams
November 23, 2009

As I walk,
I see them,
the people who aren't around.

They are there,
every time,
they are no where to be found.

Different places.
Different times.
Different lives.

I say hello,
you turn around.
I say bye,
you leave quickly.

I saw the faces,
of these people,
the ones gone.

We laughed,
we smiled,
we were together,
Once.

Only in my dreams.

Drifting Away(November 20, 2009)

Drifting Away
November 20, 2009

If I let it be in control,
I'll be out for awhile,
awhile longer away from you,
I wouldn't be able to bear it.

I wouldn't realize my absence,
you would notice me not there.

Maybe you would try to wake me.
Try to save me.
Try to brake the silence that keeps us apart.
Try to stop me from leaving for too long.

I didn't want to leave.
It pulled me in till I was gone.
I couldn't see your face.
I couldn't hear your voice.

I was mislead,
it was only a dream.
It wasn't you.
It looked like you,
sounded like you,
but it wasn't.

I'm not in control
and I'm drifting away.

No More Ice Cubes(November 19, 2009)

No More Ice Cubes
November 19, 2009

This world is cold,
so many things unable to calm the chill.
This world is warm,
but has so many ice cubes,
and little room for comfort.

I am comforted by one thing,
Music.
Music can calm my chill.

Music is the best interpretation of me,
yes me,
the artist with little paint,
the musician without much thought.

Accompanied by my friends,
these notes that never end.
The language I understand.

It flows through my brain,
gasping for a release.

Fermata,
it holds me to the place I love.

The instrumentation is what i seek,
to sound so neat,
you can feel exactly what I mean.

Marcato,
I tried to show you this is important to me.
Music is the world to me,
can you not see?

It gets rid of the ice cubes,
that clutter the glass,
things become warmer,
clearer,
calmer.

Trapped(Novmeber 18, 2009)

Trapped
Novmeber 18, 2009

Trapped,
you never know what is going on,
overwhelmed by yourself,
things you can never say,
things you can never ask.

You are not kind to yourself,
your friends,
you ask the stupidest things,
you are an outcast.

You try to be nice,
you get shot down on the spot.
You try to care,
but they don't dare talk.

You are alone,
all alone,
right now.

You are not happy to read,
read these words of truth.

These stupid words of truth.

They say you can never speak,
never form the words you think,
you are inept,
unreasonable,
trapped.

Why do you always act like this?(November 9, 2009)

Why do you always act like this?
November 9, 2009

Why do you always act like this?
You always end up in a mess.
You always act in a state unlike yourself.

What causes you to be like this?
You are always something form happy.
You are always said to be wrong.

Can't you see?
You need a friend.

You have friends.
You don't know what to say.
Words that you know can not be placed,
placed on your tongue properly to explain,
explain all that you are going through.

You have no way of projecting your thoughts.
You keep everything locked up.

Only few can make you explode and open up.
To make sense of the things you can't organize.
They are hard to find in dire need.

If only you knew how to help you,
you wouldn't be in this mess.
No, you wouldn't be in this mess.
You wouldn't be acting like this.

You need to think of something positive.
Then you'll act a little more sane.
A little less deranged in your mind,
the mind that causes you to act like this,
the mind that gets you to think stupidly.

You can't figure out what to say.
When you do you will feel better,
but for now I'm afraid you can't help you.

Not All is Bad(November 1, 2009)

Not All is Bad
November 1, 2009

They keep you moving,
using your feet,
they never let you rest.

So many,
not enough time to think,
they change so quick,
almost enough to make you sick.

If only you could see,
see how you have changed,
you aren't yourself,
you never want to be home.

You cry,
you're sad,
you're angry,
you're always alert,
you never seem to care,
just going with the flow,
always with them.

If you could be stopped,
stopped from moving,
stand still for one moment,
you'd look and see how not all is bad,
even if you think it is.

You can be smart if you try,
you can be anything if you just stop,
stop for a little moment,
and see not all is bad,
things just try to make you sad,

but in reality,
you've been mislead,
just smile,
and talk to a friend.

In the end you'll feel better,
and not have them hanging around you,
making you move so fast you can't see.

Try to be Yourself(November 1, 2009)

Try to be Yourself
November 1, 2009

Remind me never to talk to you,
remind me to turn away,
remind me to stop talking,
remind me to leave you.

I will always want to talk to you,
I will never face the other way,
I would hope I never stop speaking,
and I would hope I could stay.

I know you aren't yourself,
I've been saying this for awhile,
You need someone to stay,
some who will never leave you.

You don't want anyone,
you need someone,
you want to be alone,
but you need someone.

I'd help you but I don't know how,
I wouldn't know how if you told me.

I'll stand here and try,
try to be a person,
that you need,
I'll try to make you smile,
I'll try to make you laugh.

Please feel better,
even if it is impossible,
please try,
I'll try too.

Now a Robot, Once a Human(October 26, 2009)

Now a Robot, Once a Human
October 26, 2009

You've disapeared,
gone off record,
I don't know where you are,
yet I do.

I want to contact you,
but I think you'd rather be alone,
away from us,
only work,
that's all you do.

You are hurt,
in so many ways,
so you cut the circuits,
the circuits that tell you your feelings,
you are a robot.

If only you could be made human again,
or at least talk,
I don't know,
I miss you.

Even now as a robot,
I missed you when you weren't around,
but now I miss you more,
you know I do,
but you aren't you,
you're not yourself.

Who knows if you will ever be,
be human again,
with flesh instead of metal,
with blood instead of oil.

I Don't Know(October 13, 2009)

I Don't Know
October 13, 2009

The thoughts,
sinking in,
becoming the only think I am.
Showing no mercy,
taking me down hard,
till I can't get up.

I try to escape everything,
but end up with more,
more to do,
more work that makes me have to stay.

I don't want to stay.
I want to do things that don't involve hurting me,
hurting the way I think,
affecting the way I act.

I'm slowly losing me,
I will soon be erased,
someone save me,
people save me.

I need a motivation to keep going,
to do things that seem never ending,
to become the things I'll never be.

My thoughts,
actions,
everything in a jumble,
I don't know how to function,
I don't know what is what,
I just can't take this,
I don't know.

Never be Quiet(October 13, 2009)

Never be Quiet
October 13, 2009

Didn't think it was so complicated,
being away from you.
You feel so close when we talk,
but we are miles and miles apart.

I may be selfish,
wishing you'd talk to me,
ignore your life,
and come visit mine.

I try not to act that way,
but when you aren't here I'm begging for a way,
a way for you to come here,
be near everyday.

You say you are close,
you say I can talk to you,
I know you mean well,
but I can't stand this life without you.

If only this gap was filled,
knowing I could see you everyday,
but life doesn't want this,
it doesn't allow it.

I'll keep talking,
because I know you'll listen,
I'll listen to you,
just keep talking,
never be quiet,
for when you do I fear you'll disappear,
and I'll never hear from you again.

The Shot Given by You(October 13, 2009)

The Shot Given by You
October 13, 2009
(I think this one is my favorite :])

It was worth the shot,
till it ricochet back at my heart.
I only saw you for a split second,
till the bullet hit home in my heart,
the heart you had planned to keep.

I didn't see the damage that would be caused,
caused by the shot given by you to me for protection,
in-case I needed you.

You said this time would last.
There wouldn't be an explosion,
there wouldn't be a blast.

It was only a dream,
it ended when I awoke,
awoke to see the reality,
the truth,
that wasn't you,
because you are the lie.

I was taken to the ER,
with little blood,
all of it drained when the shot took place,
took its place where you planned to stay.

I managed to live,
they gave me more blood,
this time I'll keep my distance.
Never go by you,
never see your face the same,
the face I barely saw before the time,
the time that was almost my end,
in other words,
the shot given by you.

You See Plain, One Layer(September 29, 2009)

You See Plain, One Layer
September 29, 2009

In some ways some things seem plain,
but under neath they are untamed,
they look at the world differently through a window not found by many,
but you only see one layer.

The plain,
general everyday person,
having interests and dislikes,
seem normal,
but some are far from it.

You only see the layer that was created,
created as a protection in this world,
sometimes it never reveals the other layers,
never shedding like a snake,
only seeing one layer.

If you saw the person behind the layer,
you might think differently,
you might like them or not,
the unseen person is wanting to come out,
but the outer layer is to thick.

Not knowing how to escape,
not knowing how to be different,
only on the inside are they different,
plain,
one layer is all you see.

No Recognition(September 28, 2009)

No Recognition
September 28, 2009

The lights go out,
the crowd is quiet,
no sound,
no recognition.

everything known has gone,
leaving empty space behind.

ceasing of thought,
sense of anything,
gone,
left for who knows how long.

never caring,
never looking,
just existing,
quietly existing in the shadows,
never covered with the warmth.

vacant,
absent,
and lonely.

wanting all to come back,
never feeling anything will return,
just a void of meaningless thoughts.

the collections of thoughts left,
left with the drops,
the drops not needed at the time they were shed,
but came out anyway,
leaving everything blank,
almost as if dead.

Them(September 27, 2009)

Them
September 27, 2009

In position towards the sun,
facing the only way,
only things I know,
never turning on a different road,
always heading in a straight line,
never looking away and doing something new.

Few can help me,
find a better path,
or just pave the one I'm on,
they are close,
but lately are so far,
they know I'm there,
but don't have time to turn around.

I can not speak enough to tell them,
that I can not live a day with out them,
they probably know this but I can't tell them,
how much I need them,
how much I want them.

This road is barely paved,
I need more hands to help,
help finish the rode,
improve my way,
if only they would walk this way,
a little everyday,
then soon I'd see them,
and they could help me,
because I need them on my road today.

The Room(September 22, 2009)

The Room
September 22, 2009

In this small dusty room,
surrounded by the damp and rainy autumn night,
cobwebs spread all around,
all abandoned of their owners,
just blowing in the small and careless breeze.

The breeze comes through the open door,
the door that is rotten and betrayed,
it barely moves in the cursory breeze.

No one ever enters this lonely room,
it has been forgotten for awhile that seems like forever,
who knows if it will ever be occupied,
have an owner once more.

The owner might be kind,
clean the damp cold room,
and fill it with warmth.

The door could be sturdy and strong,
the room could be glittered with fresh light,
but only if someone prudent found the room.

For it is deserted of all its furnishings,
form life willing to stay for awhile,
still needing a new decoration,
a new look of purpose.

This Pain(September 21, 2009)

This Pain
September 21, 2009

I can't stand this feeling,
I don't mind the thought,
the thought of missing you,
but I can't stand the pain,
this pain I'm going through.

If I think about you for to long,
this pain strikes my chest,
it makes it hard to breathe,
I know I'll see you eventually,
but this pain won't listen.

When I am not thinking about you I am fine,
my life moves forward,
I am not disturbed.

Disturbed by the pain that grows stronger,
stronger with every long thought of you not here,
if only it would stop,
I can stand the thought but not this burning pain,
it consumes my brain.

I've gone for too long with out seeing you,
this is how I am repaid,
with pain that reminds me of you.

Sometimes it is bearable,
but when the pain gets too hot,
I want to find a way,
a way to smother this flame.

When I Am Lost(September 7, 2009)

When I Am Lost
September 7, 2009

It amazes me how much you help,
you make me happy when you're here,
and make me miss you when you are gone,
only a true friend can make me be like this.

I don't even realize it,
I have so many friends that never leave me,
they are always by my side.

Even though we may disagree,
we get over it and life goes on,
on to more times together,
hanging out and laughing together,
always there for me even when I forget.

Just by saying hi you make me happy,
you make me know where I am when I am lost,
lost in this world,
lost in my thoughts,
you always find me and put me back home,
home where I remember all of my friends who love me,
and will always amaze me.

These Thoughts(September 5, 2009)

These Thoughts
September 5, 2009

My mind is swimming,
swimming with the thoughts never ceasing,
it never takes a nap,
it keeps running laps,
it makes me tired to a point of sleeping,
sleeping to quiet these noises that never stop.

It makes me think about nothing else,
nothing here and nothing now,
only about the future,
the future that comes near,
nearer every day.

If I sleep it will stay away,
only for a short time will it go away,
unless it comes in my dreams,
which I hope never happens.

So I await the time I sleep,
so that I may put these thoughts at bay,
until the next day.

Possibilities of Life(September 4, 2009)

Possibilities of Life
September 4, 2009

I hate life with all its possibilities,
the many things I can't decide,
the many things that confuse my brain,
the things I'm hiding from that I know I'd enjoy.

In this life that we live,
we have to go through step by step,
different parts all leading to this doom,
this doom that overwhelms my brain,
that brings fog into my shiny clear day.

It has just begone,
pouring in the possibilities of life,
the things I love to do,
and the things I want to do.

If life were more narrow we would be squished,
but thanks to this world so broad,
there are to many possibilities that I can see,
coming at me,
yelling my name.

If only I knew,
I wouldn't be in this mess,
this mess of confusion,
thanks to life's possibilities.

While You Sleep(September 4, 2009)

While You Sleep
September 4, 2009

While you sleep,
the night full of dreams,
tossing and turning,
they are there,
all around.

They move in the night,
walking and eating,
hopping and running,
silent or loud,

They know when you go to bed,
when the light switch goes off and you lay asleep,
they crawl around you,
on the floors,
on the walls,
maybe even over your arm.

They love the night,
so be aware while you are sleeping tonight,
that while you are dreaming,
they are the small things lurking around,
outside your door,
in your room,
or under your bed.

This Life of Learning(September 2, 2009)

This Life of Learning
September 2, 2009

The time begins,
to start a new,
a new year for your life of learning,
it goes on for awhile,
but you hopefully learn something new,
that you might use in time.

During this year of learning,
there are many lessons,
lessons on words,
lessons on life,
lessons of history.

Numbers and letters,
commas and periods,
words unknown,
things repeating.

New skills learned,
old ones renewed,
many forgotten,
many found.

So many things that can be taught all in one year,
another year in this life,
this life of questions and answers,
this life of learning.

The Two Jars(August 30, 2009)

This world full of everything good and evil,
this world full of so much that means nothing,
this world full of so little that can mean everything.

The part that is full is the stuff we want more than what we have,
the stuff we desire over our friends,
the joys that only last for a short time.

The part that is full of so little is the greater of the two parts,
it is the part that holds are family,
friends,
and everything that makes us happy in the world.

Some get taken away,
but they still mean everything to us,
they live in us when we think or speak about them.

You can have the jar that is full but in reality it is empty,
or you can have the jar that appears empty but holds everything.

Pick wisely,
for the jar that is full but empty last a short while,
and the jar that looks empty and is overflowing is the jar that will be there now,
tomorrow,
and forever.

Life with friends and family is comforting even though half the time we want to grab the wrong jar,
the jar of death and greed,
the jar with nothing.

This Life Unfolding(August 28, 2009)

This Life Unfolding
August 28, 2009

In my eyes I see my world unfolding,
the things I can do and the things I am not able,
the world is showing me the way,
the way I will find myself,
find the person I am.

I have some what of a clue who I am,
I know my name,
my interest in this world that make me happy,
my dislikes that I'd rather not discuss,
where I can find some joy,
and where I can find trouble.

I know the basics,
I know what I use to be like,
the odd things that I liked,
the stupid things I've done.

I don't truly know what I want to be,
or what I'd like to do for the rest of my life,
I know I have time,
I know that I'll find out,
but it is still a confusing thought,
thinking about the new when I know everything about the old.

I'll stick with what I like and maybe I'll find more interest,
interest in this world full of everything,
everything helpful and everything simple for fun,
well I know I'll learn more than what I want,
in things I'll probably never use,
but if I stay with what I like,
I'll find the person that I'll be later in life,
this life slowly just beginning,
this life unfolding.

Nouns I Keep Seeing(August 27, 2009)

Nouns I Keep Seeing
August 27, 2009

All the places I have gone,
all the things I have been near,
the nouns that keep repeating,
are the people that I keep seeing.

I've seen this person before,
I have seen many of you before,
the ones that keep coming to my door,
must be the ones wanting to be kept,
the ones that want to see me,
the ones who are close to me.

I see them everyday,
some more often then others,
some only once every year,
but they still come by me,
all of these people that are at these places that I have been to.

We might have talked many times,
we have seen each other pass by,
some without a hello or goodbye.

These people,
at these places,
where things like chairs,
drinks,
or books keep appearing,
must be the people who live around me,
who either talk to me or not,
but they seem to like being here,
so I'll see them around.

Only Certain After Death(August 27, 2009)

Only Certain After Death
August 27, 2009

Things I can't control,
the words I'll never know,
the things I'll never do,
the people I'll never meet.

I think about the things ahead,
and never know if it's good or bad,
not knowing what I'll do or where I'll be,
the feeling of never knowing never ends,

Never seeing the friends I loved,
always regretting the things I have done,
never seeing the things to come.

It is a scary feeling never knowing how your life will be,
never knowing how it will go,
and never knowing how it will end,
but to some the end part is scary,
not knowing what happens after death,

but for me I know for sure that I will be in eternal peace,
never thinking what to do next,
never having to wonder where I'll be,
because I'll be with my Lord in heaven at home and at rest.

Even now I do not know what is a head in life,
but after death I am certain,
and certain is where I stand.

No One Wants This(August 26, 2009)

No One Wants This
August 26, 2009

I see your eyes,
the eyes of hatred,
full of fire and smoke,
never seeing anything but you and your goals accomplished,
never hearing the calls for help from the ones who care about you,
never turning around to see the joy in life.

The monster that created you lives in you,
never leaving,
never on the right path,
always on the path that is self-centered and full of darkness.

If you had a way of turning,
turning around,
you wouldn't use it,
you wouldn't see it.

The loneliness you never feel,
in your robot like way of life,
going form day to day doing the same thing only to get higher in life,
to be more famous,
to become so rich you don't know what to do.

This is a life that I try to avoid,
the life of selfish ways,
always away from your friends,
never caring about your family,
never loving the things you have always wanting more.

Some I have done,
but some I am grateful I never have,
a life with those eyes you wouldn't know what you were missing,
all the friends that make you happy,
all the family who care and love you,
all the things that you have that could disappear without a moments notice.

Memories(August 25, 2009)

Memories
August 25, 2009

They are all you have left of the past,
of the faces you have seen,
all the places you have gone,
on things that you have done.

Some are horrible to think of,
some you wish could disappear,
but the ones that haunt you are the ones most needed,
needed in the sense that they made you stronger,
better even.

Some are wonderful,
some fill you with tears of joy,
these are the ones most cherished when you are alone,

But still they are all in the past,
never returning,
never seeing some of the faces you have lost,
places that have been distorted,
things that can never be removed.

You could keep the good and throw away the bad,
or keep the good but remember the bad enough to find the good,
for all the memories received,
remember that you can live each day making new ones,
yes, some might end up as bad,
you'll always have them,
but always remember there was good,
and good can still be found.

While I Miss You All(August 25, 2009)

While I Miss You All
August 25, 2009

I close my eyes and there I see,
you and me,
together forever no matter what.

When I see you and me I see the others that have come to be so close,
as close as you and me.

I miss you all,
even if I see you call,
you are still pretty far,
so while you're here I'll cherish the moment,
hold on to it,
till I see you again.

When I see you I get very happy,
when you leave me I get very sad.

I have so many of you that I miss,
so many that make me happy,
but as I miss you I will think,
how great it will be to see you,
even if it's just a short chat or I see you for a couple of hours,
it is enough to make my day no matter which one you are.

I will think about you all forever,
I will keep you near me,
so when I fall you can help me up,
and then when you fall,
I will help you up,

but as I help you up of the ground,
you pull me down so I fall on the ground,
and then we laugh even though we know that we will have to part,
in different directions,
but those different paths will connect maybe not for days,
months,
or years,
but they will connect and we will see each other again,

So I have no fear of missing you all,
because I will see you in the fall.